Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Randomize
