We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize
