He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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