ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
