Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
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