im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Randomize
