I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
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