I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
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