If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
