I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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