I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Duck Duck Cougar?
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
