Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
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