I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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