will power is for people who don't want to get laid
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
