he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize
