so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
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