Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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