Have you finally orgasmed yet?
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
me + whiskey = a bad person
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Randomize
