eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
