Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
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