A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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