Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
