high people should be assigned attendants
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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