I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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