What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Success! We fucked roommates!
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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