I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
