Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
wakey wakey hands off snakey
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
My vagina is officially offended.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Randomize
