I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
I just found puke in my bra..
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Randomize
