I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
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