Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
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