At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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