Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Randomize
