booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
