I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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