he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Randomize
