why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Randomize
