I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
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