a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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