please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
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