I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
