I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Randomize
