There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
