I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
he thought i was a dude.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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