I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
