i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
