So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
