My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
You may now shotgun with the bride
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Randomize
