sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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