its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Randomize
