Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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