you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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