You were right. It hurts to walk today.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
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