I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
