We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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