apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
