I hate all girls vehemently.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
