No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
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