i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
