making cat noises will not fix the situation.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Randomize
