I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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