My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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