Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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