The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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