I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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