I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
well you can't waste a boner
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
