I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
