I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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