It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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