tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
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