Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
where are you?
Hypothermia
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize
