you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Randomize
