There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
