ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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