Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Randomize
