I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
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