We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Randomize
