I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
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