i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
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