What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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