Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(949): View more from California

I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.

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(419): View more from Ohio

i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.

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(360): View more from Washington

on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?

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(256): View more from Alabama

Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk

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(419): View more from Ohio

The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .

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(647): View more from Ontario

I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask

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(831): View more from California

You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!

(408): View more from California

For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?

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(813): View more from Florida

God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven

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(360): View more from Washington

He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head

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