Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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