I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
