I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Randomize