youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Randomize
