btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
