I think i peed on brittanys purse
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Randomize