how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
did i just pee glitter
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
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