I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
I party with great urgency now.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
