So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I don't deserve a penis
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
