obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
