My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
